I mentioned in part one how we can only love (even love God) because it is HE who FIRST loved us. We are not even capable of true love if He doesn’t love us first. It is from HIS love, that we are called to the greatest commandment, mentioned in the Old Testament:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” – Deuteronomy 6:5
Just soak in the fact that He provides the love for us to love Him back.
But, love still is not complete even in this because Jesus gave TWO commandments. These two commandments are so essential and so pivotal because if you keep these, then the entire Law (made up of over 600 commands) is fulfilled.
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And [Jesus] said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” – Matthew 22:36-40
Now this is where my second round of the World Race came in. The first round was all about receiving and accepting God’s love for me, and learning to grow in love towards Him even amidst the anger, fear, and pain that came from the grief of losing my dad. Like I mentioned in the last blog, this lesson is not finished! I will always be growing in it. But for round 2, God shifted my attention to the second command, and He highlighted the phrase that I always tended to skip over: the fact that we are called to love our neighbor AS WE LOVE OURSELVES.
Wooooo weeeeee!
But wait! Isn’t that self-centered? Isn’t the trend of self-love really an expression of selfishness?
Well, it can be. But I believe that hatred of any kind, even towards our own selves, is contrary to God’s plan for our lives. After all, aren’t we also God’s creation? And if hating others breaks God’s heart, then doesn’t also the hatred of our own selves? If we don’t love ourselves, then what kind of love are we giving out to those around us? I can tell you what I’ve done for most of my life:
Rather than serve others from a place of humility and honor, I served them to gain approval of man. Rather than seek others because I saw them as God saw them, I sought others to gain affirmation from them. Rather than press into any relationship of any kind, I distanced myself when I got too close for fear of being hurt or rejected.
Because that is how I saw myself. I was only worthy of someone’s time if I was doing something for them. I was only worth pursuing if I could give something in return. And, of course, I distanced myself from others because I knew that I could only give so much until I was empty and until these friends I made would no longer find a friendship with me to be worth it.
To me, self-hatred is a form of self-centeredness. Notice how all those examples were really just tactics I used to build myself up, rather than to grow in love and friendship with others.
This year, God highlighted a mentality that I tended to move towards when I felt like I “messed up” with others. When I would get insecure, the first phrase that came to my mind was “I hate myself.” And despite knowing how contrary it was to God’s plan for me, it continued to come.
But then, God asked me to do something that I didn’t expect. I originally came out on the field to be a team lead for a new round of racers for four months. Then, I was going to leave the field and go home. However, barely a month into this race, God asked me to take a chance. He asked me to stay out on the field for the entire 11 months with this squad. I would no longer be a team lead, but I would become a part of the squad as other racers were raised up into leadership.
In other words… my task was to learn to find my value APART from what I could give to others and apart from a “role” that I was in. I was to fight the idea that I was separate from this group of people because I was an alumni. I was to learn what it meant to humble myself in my new role without stepping out of the authority and giftings that God was calling me to use. And I was to learn what it meant to value myself and my giftings before I could truly express myself and love others as I was created to love them.
The lesson will be continued in PART 3.
