Nothing could have prepared me for those words. It didn’t seem real. Thoughts ran through my mind instantly as I fell over from the shock of it all.
“Meghan, your dad passed away yesterday.”
What?! How?! I talked to him 2 days ago and he was fine! This isn’t real, it can’t be real. My daddy? MY daddy? Why? How? What am I going to do?
All these questions and more flooded my mind in less than a second. My team and my squad leaders surrounded me, some in prayer, others hugging me and holding onto me as I cried everything out. I somehow made it into a coffee shop to get wifi to call my mom and my brother, Todd. As I listened to them on the other side of the phone call (and the world), I felt like I was only taking in every other word.
“Closest airport?…. Madrid, I think, or maybe Portugal, I don’t know… a flight tomorrow at 11am?… okay… okay… let me think… okay… I’ll call you back.”
As I spoke with my brother on the phone about flight reservations the next day, I could hardly think or respond in a clear sentence. Everything was just jumbled as I was still taking in news that I had not expected to receive at all. But as I sat, and walked, and spent time with my squad mates who were there with me at that time, peace also managed to make its way into my heart. Don’t get me wrong. It still hurt. It still hurts now as I’m typing this out. But I realized amidst all of the chaos in my mind that Jesus had been present with me through this long before I knew what had happened.
But, in order to explain, I have to go backwards a few days.
Two days earlier, I had woken up in a hotel room that my teammate, Brittani, treated our team to in A Coruna, Spain. Our plan was to take a bus to Muxia, spend the night, then walk the next two days to Fisterra, otherwise known as “The End of the World” (which it really was, prior to the discovery of the Americas). But before heading to the bus station, I called my parents using FaceTime. I forgot the time difference, so it was so early that the room they were in was still dark, but they both sounded so happy to see me (even if it was on a screen), and I left that conversation so joyful and overwhelmed by how blessed I am by my mom and dad. And uplifted by our conversation, I was ready to begin my day.
My team and I began our journey. We spent the night on the beach in Muxia, then walked the next day to a beach just a few miles away from Fisterra. That night, Nathan and Hakeem went to pick up our laundry from the last area we were in, while the girls walked over to the beach and worshipped as the sun set. As we sang, I watched the waves in the ocean. I saw the water crash against the shore and against the rocks and I was reminded of how calm the waters were in Normandy, where I had gone the month before in France. However, despite the differences in what the waves looked like, I felt the same peace there on that shore as I did in Normandy.
In that moment, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me, “Regardless of what the waves are doing, whether they’re crashing or whether they’re still, I can still bring you peace and be your peace.”
Then, my teammate, Maryah, had a vision of floodwaters and of a woman crying out in panic. She didn’t tell us until afterwards, but Maryah began to feel anxious and asked God if everything was going to be okay. It was in the moment that I looked behind us and saw a RAINBOW randomly in the distance. It wasn’t very big, but it seemed to be in the most random of places, and it was only there for a moment, long enough for us to see it and take a picture, before going away. God reminded us of the faithfulness of his promises that night as we sang out to Him. On the shores of that beach, his presence was so evident, and there was so much peace there. It was on that night that my daddy passed away, and before I even knew of it, God made a point of telling me that He would be my peace, and He would not leave me regardless of the circumstances.
It would be the next day, moments after our arrival in Fisterra, that I would hear the news.
I sat there processing, surrounded by friends, as my team made dinner, set up travel plans, and did everything to get me to Madrid by the next morning. Instead of remaining in Fisterra as they had planned, all six of my teammates and I got on the last bus out of the city to Santiago. Once there, Sam and Nathan were able to rent a car within minutes of the car rental place closing. We then, all seven of us and our large backpacks, piled into a five-person VW for the five-hour drive to Madrid. Even with all of the last minute planning and praying, God was able to get me from Fisterra to Madrid with more than enough time to make my flight.
At the time of my writing this blog, it has been two weeks since that night. And every day since I found out about my dad, I have replayed his last words to me in my head. Remember that FaceTime conversation I had? The one that I left so joyfully? Well, the reason why I was calling my parents was because they had texted me that my September deadline for fundraising would be met. I called them so early in the morning because I needed an explanation before going without wifi for the next two days.
My mom and dad just laughed at me. My dad said, “sweetie, we’re going to take care of the money needed for this next deadline. Don’t worry! Just keep doing the Lord’s work! We love you!”
“Don’t worry! Just keep doing the Lord’s work! We love you!”
In his last words to me, my dad told me to keep doing the Lord’s work. Now, that does not only look like the World Race. His work involves sharing God’s love and gospel with those around you regardless of where you are. But as I got on the plane to go home, I knew that I wasn’t finished with this race. I still feel it now. I miss my daddy terribly. I may be partial, but he was the greatest daddy ever, as imperfect as he was. But I know where my daddy is. He is at Jesus’ right hand. He is rejoicing in the presence of his Savior.
But there are people in this world that don’t have that hope. There are people around the world that don’t even know where to find that hope. And God is inviting us to share this great hope with others. He invites us into the greatest love story ever told, about a Heavenly Father, relentlessly pursuing after his children all around the world.
I miss my daddy so much, and I will always miss him until the day we meet again, but throughout these past two weeks, my Heavenly Daddy has been my greatest comfort and joy. He keeps me going. He has been my strength and will be my strength. And He is still calling out into the nations. So this week, I head back on the race to meet up with my team in Morocco and to partner with God in all that He is doing there.
My daddy was so proud of me and happy that I was going on the Race, and I’m so thankful to have had a father who loved me and loved the Lord as much as He did. He taught me so much with his life and with his words. Even in his last words to me, he encourages me to follow God wherever he leads. So I will take his words and everything that he has taught me in these last 25 years, and I will carry them with me as I move forward. It may be difficult at times. The hurt won’t go away once I get back on that plane. But as I carry my earthly father’s teachings with me, my heavenly Father carries me upon his shoulders, bearing the weight that I can’t possibly handle by myself. He is with me, and He is faithful regardless of what the waves are doing in my life.
I want to take time and thank every single person who has reached out to my family and I. If I were to list out all of the names, that would be another blog post altogether. Please know that I appreciate your words, kindness, generosity, and prayers. I also want to thank each person who donated towards my trip at my family’s request. I have been absolutely blown away by each of you. My daddy told me that my next deadline would be taken care of, and it has been thanks to your giving hearts. I promise that I will reach out to individuals soon (not only those who donated), but for now, please accept this blog as my thanks.
Hi Meghan,
I read you blog today and it brought tears to my eye.
You are so you young to lose your dad.
My dad passed away in 2007 and I still miss him every day. but the pain lessens each day:)
I know your mom and dad are so proud of you. Keep doing what you are doing. that will make your dad even prouder from above. Remember, your dad and the Lord are looking out for you.
take care.
xo
Sheila
Hi Meghan,
I read you blog today and it brought tears to my eye.
You are so you young to lose your dad.
My dad passed away in 2007 and I still miss him every day. but the pain lessens each day:)
I know your mom and dad are so proud of you. Keep doing what you are doing. that will make your dad even prouder from above. Remember, your dad and the Lord are looking out for you.
take care.
xo
Sheila
Hi Meghan,
I read you blog today and it brought tears to my eye.
You are so you young to lose your dad.
My dad passed away in 2007 and I still miss him every day. but the pain lessens each day:)
I know your mom and dad are so proud of you. Keep doing what you are doing. that will make your dad even prouder from above. Remember, your dad and the Lord are looking out for you.
take care.
xo
Sheila
Hi Meghan,
I read you blog today and it brought tears to my eye.
You are so you young to lose your dad.
My dad passed away in 2007 and I still miss him every day. but the pain lessens each day:)
I know your mom and dad are so proud of you. Keep doing what you are doing. that will make your dad even prouder from above. Remember, your dad and the Lord are looking out for you.
take care.
xo
Sheila
Hi Meghan,
I read you blog today and it brought tears to my eyes.
You are so young to be losing your dad.
My dad passed away in 2007 and I still miss him every day. but the pain lessens each day:)
I know your mom and dad are so proud of you. Keep doing what you are doing. that will make your dad even prouder from above. Remember, your dad and the Lord are looking out for you.
take care.
xo
Sheila
Hi Meghan,
I read you blog today and it brought tears to my eyes.
You are so young to be losing your dad.
My dad passed away in 2007 and I still miss him every day. but the pain lessens each day:)
I know your mom and dad are so proud of you. Keep doing what you are doing. that will make your dad even prouder from above. Remember, your dad and the Lord are looking out for you.
take care.
xo
Sheila
sorry,
don’t know why this posted so many times.
Meagan, it was a pleasure meeting your parents in Atlanta. Such kind sweet spirits. Us Tooles have been praying for you and your family. Your one strong lady and this strength that God has given you will carry you forward. Please be patient with YourSelf. Just want to elaborate on this. It’s in the middle of pain or storms in life that if we can see God as you have, we gain such great Wisdom. Thank you for being such a great friend to my Girl. Huge Hugs from Texas!
Oh Girl, the tears are flowing again!! God is so good!! You are meant to continue this race for the glory of God!! I believe there will be a very powerful anointing and the sweetest depths of grace covering your every word and act . Much love and prayers beautiful one
Meghan! You have been such an inspiration to all of us. I see God doing amazing things in you and through you even though you are walking through this valley. You have always brought so much joy to the squad, to your team, and to me. I cannot wait to see your beautiful face again soon! Love you, dear friend!
Great is thy faithfulness! I woke up this morning with that song on my lips. We are praising the Lord with you over His blessings of peace. Please know we are a phone call away and always praying for you and over you. Much ?? love!
Meghan. Thank you for sharing this testimony of the faithfulness of our LORD! He is with you and we are praying for your journey in the race and as you continue to grieve. Love you Sister!
Meghan, we have been praying for all of you this past couple of weeks. Yes, your dad was the best! We will continue to pray for you as you rejoin your team mates. We are proud of you and love you!
Hey girl! Its Jamie from CYP. Im so sorry about your loss! We will be praying for you and your family! You are so strong. Im so thankful you had great support during that time and able to see the Lord and His peace. He is our constant even when everything around us is changing.
Hey girl! Its Jamie from CYP. Im so sorry about your loss! We will be praying for you and your family! You are so strong. Im so thankful you had great support during that time and able to see the Lord and His peace. He is our constant even when everything around us is changing.
Thanks Meghan,
You dad was a GREAT FREIND we would talk all night long going to Florida and everyday we were there for each other we talked about everything God , Family , politics and just joking around like a couple teenagers and we would be there for each other if we needed to vent some steam.
I wake up every day thinking I should call him and I do just in a different way. He’s there he always will be for all of us .
Keep doing what your doing it’s was important to your dad . He was very proud of you and his eyes would light up when he talked about you and the things you are doing and are going to do.
Sincerely
Kelly Pittman
Thank you so much Sherri for your continued prayers and support! My mom and I are so grateful for you!
Melanie! Thank you so much sweet girl! Thank YOU for all of the encouragement and prayers you have given. Excited to see you, love you too!
Thank you so so much Libby for your prayers and for being there. Love y’all very much!
Thank you so much Scott! Love you too and your sweet family!
Been praying for you! Talked with Hakeem after your dad passed and he told me how strong you were. I am glad you are back with the group. God Bless you! ??
Laura, thank you so so much for all of the sweet messages and support that y’all have provided. My mom and I are so thankful for y’all and my mom and dad love you and David very much. Love you too!
Jamie! Thank you so much for the sweet message and prayers, they are so greatly appreciated! And thank you for that word, He truly has been my anchor through all of this.
Kelly, my dad (and my mom and I) appreciate you so much for all of the laughter you brought him on the road and at home. Your friendship meant a lot to him and I am so thankful he had you! Thank you for your sweet message and encouragement.
Heather, thank you so much for your message, encouragement and prayers. My dad (and my mom and I of course) truly appreciate your friendship and love. We love and miss y’all too so much!
Thank you so much Sheila for your sweet message and encouragement!
Meghan,
My heart and prayers have gone out to you since hearing of your loss. I talked to Nathan just after you left Madrid and my heart broke for you. Thank you for sharing your story with such beauty and honesty. I am so glad you are re-joining your team to finish the race and continue the journey.
Thank you so much for your sweet message Karen! And I am so thankful for Hakeem and everyone on my team!
Angela, thank you so much for your message and for your prayers! I am so glad that God is enabling me to go back to the team!
Rhonda, I know my parents loved meeting you as well, thank you so much for your message, love and prayers!
You are such a God loving and brave girl. You touch my heart every time I read your blog. Get back to your team safely and continue that journey and God’s work. You and your family are forever in my prayers.
You are such a God loving and brave girl. You touch my heart every time I read your blog. Get back to your team safely and continue that journey and God’s work. You and your family are forever in my prayers.
Praying for you! Remain in Him. It won’t be easy coming back but you know that and you have a great mindset. I’m praying for you and your family when I think of you.
Terry, thank you so much for your message and for your prayers for my family and I. We appreciate you!
Emma, thank you so much for your prayers and for your messages!
Meghan, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But I am so encouraged by your deep dependence on God through this time. I can’t wait to see your beautiful face again. I love you. ??
I love you too Tamara! Thank you for all of the prayers for my family that you and z-squad have prayed for me. Can’t wait to see you soon(ish)!
Hi Meghan. I’m Kirsten’s dad from Y squad. Thanks for sharing your story. No human words can soothe the ache in your heart, so I won’t even try. Only the Lord’s Spirit can start and continue the healing. Sure, He can use your teammates to come by your side, but the deep work will be done by God in those quiet moments. Keep yourself open to Him in the various ways He may want to take you through the healing process. “Lord, walk with Meghan on her Emmaus Road as she wonders what happened and why it happened. Reveal Yourself to her in amazing ways that helps heal her heart and soul from this trauma. Be to her everything she needs in this moment. Amen.”
What a picture of… what Hope in Christ, what peace beyond understanding, what a relationship with God looks like. This blog is impacting hearts to seek the God who carries you. We have been praying for you and will continue, thank you for sharing your pain, faith, and peace.
Meghan,
I realize that we have only briefly – if ever officially met. I was working in the Storytelling Department at Adventures as your squad Launched. I just wanted to share with you how impressed and moved I am by your writing and your reflection. You have beautifully honored your earthly and HEAVENLY fathers in this piece.
I cannot even imagine the emotions that have swirled around you, but I praise GOD that HiS love is greater and more powerful and more FULLY surrounds you than anything else. I am praying for you, Meghan, and your family. I celebrate that your dad made such an impact on your life, that he was so deeply invested in you and in your commitment to CHRiST.
*Hugs*
dani
Meghan, you are a blessing to me. Your faith in God is your strength. Isaiah 32:17 comes to my mind when I realize how you are allowing your faith to direct your path. You do have a wonderful, loving Mother who is very proud of you. I know that your Dad was and is very proud of you. God Bless you
Hey there, I know we don’t know each other, but I am Shannon, your SQL’s friend! Her and I did the race together and she mentioned you in her most recent email update. I just want you to know that you are strong! I don’t know you personally, but you may be one of the strongest people I have ever met.
I see the father cradling you in his arms right now and being the daddy you need.
Meghan, you are loved, you are not alone, you are precious, you are a blessing, you are stronger than you will ever know!
I’m inspired by your faithfulness to keep serving the Lord in the midst of your grief.
Keep moving, keep your head up, don’t let that crowd of yours fall! I am praying with you sister!
Meghan prayers have been going up for you and your family from all over the country. Thank you for sharing your intimate grief experience and loss. Your hope, courage, and peace in the midst of it will inspire others in their losses. We can’t get through life without grief and loss, and how you are facing it with be a shining example of death being swallowed up in victory. Comfort others with the comfort you have received from HIM…and surely during this race you will find many who have no comfort. May your heavenly father remain very close to you…and I am truly sorry for the loss of your daddy.
Your daddy was an amazing man and he left behind such a legacy in you. I pray that God’s will is fullfilled in your obedience. Thoughts, prayers,hugs and kisses are sent your way. I’m so proud of you and the continuance of your journey. May God lead,guide and direct your path and keep you and your team safe. Love and miss you sweet girl!