A Crazy Little Thing Called Love

In these past few years, I’ve noticed that in every season, while there are smaller, more specific lessons learned through that period of time, God tends to focus on a theme or an overarching lesson about who He is and who I am in Him. I have been preparing for the World Race for 18 months and so much has happened in this journey. I have been to Training Camp two times with two different squads. I decided to postpone my original departure by eight months, leaving behind a squad that I loved (and still love) and falling in love with all the people on my new squad. I graduated college. I spent months without a job. I spent months with a job. I’ve gone from having “plenty of time” before I leave to “oh crap” in what felt like 2.8 seconds. And amidst all of this, God has taught me a lot! He’s taught me about patience, listening, the Church, mission, who I am, who He is, and so much more during this time! However, the theme that I keep coming back to and can’t seem to move on from is LOVE.

Growing up in the Bible Belt, it is not uncommon (even today) to drive past a billboard declaring “Jesus loves you!” I’ve known for almost my entire life that God loves us. And to be honest, for the longest time, I thought I had a good idea of how much He loves us. And sitting here today, reflecting on this season and preparing to move into the next, I come before you to say:

I wasn’t even close.

Every time I think about how much our Daddy loves us, He tells me, “It’s SO much deeper than that.”

Lately, He has been placing my focus on Psalm 139. From that first verse, “O Lord, you have searched me and known me!”, it reminds me that Papa desires actual relationship with us, and has desired one since the very beginning of time. We try to hide the ugly parts of our lives and our personalities. We think that He doesn’t want to see the real and the raw, when the truth is that He has known us better than we know ourselves the entire time… and He still chooses us. He still pursues us. He still loves us more than we can even grasp.

 “You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.” (vs. 2-6)

He then places my attention on verses 13-16: “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Our eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

I have heard verses 13 and 14 my entire life, but as I sat and talked to Papa about these verses, He drew me down to verses 15 and 16. I know it may sound weird, but in that moment, it was as if I was taken back to that time when it was just me and my Heavenly Father, before my parents ever had a clue I was coming.  I wasn’t sure exactly what He was saying to me, but I saw pride in His eyes. I saw Him lovingly speak to me. I saw the care and attention He gave me.

And then I thought about my story. I thought about how hard some of these seasons have been. I’ve thought about the moments of doubt. I’ve thought about the times my life was chained to sin and shame. I think about how I still feel like I don’t live up to some “standard”. And during these times, I felt like his face changed to disappointment. I felt like He no longer looked at me with the same love He used to. I thought He no longer thought I was worth using or having a relationship with. And yet in this intimate moment He tells me that He has NEVER changed. He said, “There is nothing, absolutely nothing, you could ever do to take that love away. There is nothing you have ever done that surprised me or disappointed me. And there was no time, no valley, no moment, where I wasn’t with you, even if you felt distant from me.”

Daddy has loved us from the beginning, and He loves us still. When the prodigal son returned home, thinking he would no longer be considered a son in his father’s eyes, imagine the surprise on his face as his Daddy came running toward him. The Father had every right to disown or turn away his son after what he had done, but instead, He proudly declared, “For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’” And he celebrated his return!

And as I thought about all of this, I was reminded that this is why I’m going on the World Race. I want to experience God’s love even deeper than what He has already shown me. And I want others to know of this amazing love. There are people in this world who not only have never heard the gospel, but who in their lifetimes may never have the chance to hear the gospel. I desire for that to change. Because God says that we are worth it. Because He says that they are worth it. And because He has proven time and time again that HE is worth it all.