Before going to Training Camp, I honestly had no idea what to expect. Aside from living out of a tent and meeting my entire squad for the first time, I didn’t know what would happen or what God would do in a span of just 10 days. Now, having gone through it, I don’t even know how to explain it. Where do I begin? Do I share with you how God helped me beat the fitness test despite having back problems? Do I try to explain how the Holy Spirit absolutely captured the attention of an entire room during worship? Do I give you details of just how “close” our squad got during that one freezing night when half of our bags were “lost in the airport”? Or do I simply just tell you that I am NOT the same person that I was going into this thing?
As I am writing this, I still have no clue what I am about to say, but I pray that I can at the very least share with you just how amazing our sweet heavenly Father is.
I came into training camp with a lot of fear. I wondered if I was making a mistake. I doubted my calling. I doubted my worth and value. Part of me believed that I was living this grand, elaborate lie, and that once I was surrounded by “real Christians”, I would be found out. If you’ve read my other blog posts, then you know that I have anxiety and it came out in full force the morning I left. Sure, the majority of the stress was due to the immense amount of homework I had to complete before leaving and a lack of sleep, but it was also due to the fear that was growing inside of me. However, as I regained my composure that morning, I remember God telling me to continue on, that all of this would be worth it.
Boy, does He know how to keep a promise.
I fell in love with God all over again at Training Camp. It wasn’t some amazing sermon and song that did it (although there were plenty of those too!), it was Him speaking to me in ways I had never heard before or, perhaps, never truly listened to. During one of the first nights there (I lost track of the exact day), someone told me that God wanted me to know that He loved me. A few days later, another person said the same thing. Then another person told me again not long after that. Not only that, but He revealed these same truths to me in my alone time with Him through prayer and scripture as well. I was absolutely floored. When you grow up in church, you are given the knowledge that God loves you from a very young age. Sure, I knew that God loved me, that I was forgiven, and that I was precious in His sight, but I didn’t identify with that knowledge. A part of me thought that my actions excluded me from that promise. I was so beat down by my insecurities and this idea that I was failing God (which is a total lie!) that I refused to accept the fact that regardless of everything, HE LOVES ME.
I had just begun to understand that, when God decided to share his love for me one more time before training camp was over.
On one of the last nights, we had a session about hearing God’s voice. Towards the end, we broke up into groups and we were told to listen to God and share what He wants us to share with someone in our group. Towards the end of the exercise, we asked one of our leaders to pick one of us at random without any of us knowing who it was save for the person chosen. I was the person chosen and I remember being curious as to what God would have to say. Hasn’t He already said enough? I had learned and experienced so much at camp by that time that I didn’t think there was much left. However, just as I was thinking that, my friend, Kimmy, shared something that broke me down. Without knowing who she was speaking to, she shared that God wanted me to know that I am so incredibly loved by Him, that no matter what I’ve done and no matter what anyone else has said to me or spoken over me, that I am loved regardless. She also saw a vision of Jesus carrying me up a mountain, saying that He would not allow my feet to touch the ground.
I immediately began tearing up. Once again, I was caught off guard by God’s love. On one of the last few days of training camp, He wanted to make this clear: I am loved by Him. Before training camp, I had spent years wrestling with this idea that I don’t measure up to God’s standards. Even though I knew that God loves me and forgives me, I had never truly identified with that love and forgiveness. But He showed me how in just a mere 10 days.
So, what can 10 days do?
10 days broke down all of my insecurities.
10 days taught me that God still speaks today.
10 days helped me let go of shame that I had clung to for years.
10 days showed me what servant leadership looks like.
10 days allowed me to not only forgive others, but to forgive myself as well.
10 days took God out of the box that I had kept Him in.
10 days revealed the power of Scripture.
10 days brought me a family of 60 brothers and sisters in Christ.
10 days opened my eyes to how deeply loved I am (and you are!) by our Papa.
10 days transformed my thinking in more ways than I can write.
As amazing as Training Camp was, I would not have happened without the support of everyone who has contributed to my mission trip so far. Without your encouragement and donations, I would not have been able to experience everything mentioned above with a squad of so many amazing, loving, and inspiring men and women of God. The biggest message I received from Training Camp? I am loved by a good good Father. And you want to know what else? He has that very same love for you as well!
I am still short of my second goal of $10,000, so if you would like to contribute to what God is doing through Adventures in Mission, please click the “donate!” link above or comment/message me for details about mailing donations in. Thank you so much for your support thus far!
