Look What Jesus Did!

“Welp. There goes the Camino,” I said to myself.

After a day(s) of traveling from Paris to St. Jean de Pied du Porte, the start of the Camino de Santiago, I felt shooting pain go up and down my spine as I sat down on the street. Nine years of sporadic back pain caught up with me. I could not lift my pack and even just walking up and down the cobblestone streets was extremely painful.

My team was amazing. They distributed the weights of their packs so that I would not need to carry mine the next day. They assured me that I would not walk alone. They prayed over me and helped me with anything I needed help with. And though I was fighting feelings of disappointment and frustration, I was comforted knowing that my team was fighting for me in this. So we woke up the next morning and began our journey.

DAY 1: ST. JEAN DE PIED DU PORT TO RONCESVALLES (THE PYRENEES MOUNTAINS)

We started this morning in the dark with our new friend, Davide, who stayed at our hostel with us. It was cold, I was still in a lot of pain, but we were excited to begin this next phase of the race. The thing is, the entire first day would end up being about 14 miles of constant incline before descending the last two miles.

With every step, I could feel pain shoot down my leg. And the higher we got, the colder it got as well. What began as a beautiful morning with dazzling stars, a breathtaking sunrise and awe-inspiring scenery, quickly turned into fog and rain at the tops of the mountains. As you look around, you soon realize that there is no turning back, only moving forward, so we kept going.

However, as seemingly miserable as everything was, I found so much joy standing at the tops of these mountains with my friends. We sang Disney songs, asked ridiculous and fun personality questions, and compared our experience to a scene from the Lord of the Rings every 100 meters. It was hard. We were wet and freezing. The uphill climb never seemed to end. I felt pain in my legs with every step. But we did it! And it remains as one of the most fun days I have ever experienced. I wasn’t able to talk to many people on the trail (mostly because they kept passing me), but I saw Jesus in each of my teammates and they reminded me that our ministry is for each other too.

DAY 2: RONCESVALLES TO ZUBIRI

Day 2 was a bit more of a struggle in many ways. It began great. We started in the dark again, passed by some cute towns, I got to pet a Spanish horse, and it was a peaceful morning. However, the peace seemed to slowly disappear as I continued walking. I felt like I was losing movement in my legs and I began arguing with God about my pain, and the timing of it. I was arguing with myself, trying to differentiate between lies and truths. I was fighting guilt and the idea that I was being a burden to my team. It went on for hours until I realized that I had gone the entire day without stopping much, and God was telling me to slow down.

He brought me to this overlook and whispered to me, “You see the trees? You see the lighting and the shadows? You see the different colors in the grass and all of the animals? Do you see how much attention and care I gave to this place?”

“Yes,” I answered.

“I delight far more in you than I do in these.”

I was floored. I wouldn’t say I felt completely better, but His peace overwhelmed me in that moment. I also came to realize important details about why I had been struggling so much about thoughts of being a burden and ideas of holding others back, because those thoughts had been present in my life far longer than the two days on the Camino. I continued to walk, and opened up to my team leader, Emily about all of the things going on in my mind and in my walk with the Lord. She helped me understand why these thoughts were happening and encouraged me.

And simply after having that conversation, opening up about the spiritual pain I was feeling, I and my team noticed that I was walking much faster than before.

Then, that night, Emily, Tammy (my squad leader), and Melanie (my squad mate), all surrounded me in prayer (it would take an entire blog to discuss what we prayed about, but just know that a lot of freedom was acquired that night).

And after that, my limp was gone.

DAY 3: ZUBIRI TO PAMPLONA

I woke up the next morning, and my limp was gone, but I still had a lot of low back pain centralized in my spine. We decided that I would carry Nathan’s guitar, but other than that, the team decided to wear my pack and extra weight for me again.

Then we began our walk. It started slow, but with each and every step, I felt strength. I turned to Hakeem and said, “I think I know what it means to have the Lord be your strength right now, because my legs feel so incredibly light.” I found myself passing people. I kept walking without any need for a rest or break. I still felt the pain in my back, but it wasn’t stopping me.

Then, I got to another clearing where I felt God tell me to wait and to start worshipping and praying to Him as I waited for Emily and Hakeem to catch up. And as I prayed, I received a vision:

I saw myself running into Pamplona with my backpack on.

Immediately, Emily, who was carrying my pack, walked up and I shared the vision with her. She smiled and said, “okay” and we kept going as we were. I knew it wasn’t the right time yet. And as we kept walking, I kept feeling my strength be renewed. The pain reduced more and more with each step. And as I kept going, I kept getting imagery of the resurrection, and of the serpent biting the heel, but the heel smashing the serpent’s head. With every step, I felt myself get faster.

We then got to the town before Pamplona, Arre. Emily, Hakeem and I all stopped for a break, but before we put our packs on, I told Emily that I thought I needed to take my pack for the last few kilometers. She gave me my pack and I just started walking.

Once again, the pain left with every step. I kept walking faster and faster. I walked around people. I jogged around people! And then I saw friends on my squad, Connie and Lauren. I got so excited, I ran up to them and yelled, “Look what Jesus did!”

They could not believe I had my pack on and that I was running up a hill with it! And it didn’t take long to realize during our conversation:

I had ran up to the entrance of Pamplona with my pack on, before I even knew where I was.

Y’all. God. Is. AWESOME. I have been walking with my pack since then and I have literally felt no lower back pain! I have been struggling carrying weight on my back for nine years but God took all of it away and it happened on the Camino!

Jesus is powerful. He delights in healing us. I had struggled for years, wondering why God hadn’t healed my back after years of asking. But now I realize that it just wasn’t the right time. He had some work to do and he used my back pain to point me towards Him and His will and His timing.

Healing doesn’t always look the same way. Mine was a gradual thing. It took years of prayer. It took opening up and having conversation. I had to deal with feelings and thoughts that I had been avoiding for years. And honestly, I wasn’t sure if healing would ever come. But once I opened up about those things, I found a weight lifted off my shoulders that was greater than any back pain I had experienced.

Thank you for your prayers and for bringing me here to this place. God is moving in me. He is moving in my team. He is moving in my squad. And He is moving in the people and places we encounter. Jesus is always ready to change the world. Are we ready to follow Him, regardless of what we face in the process?